well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
