I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
