you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
