1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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