so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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