omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
