I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
