Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize