He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
