Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
