We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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