I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
