How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
