What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
