Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize