apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
