I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
