It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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