Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
