Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
wow bdsm is so cute
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
