please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
