Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
