honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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