The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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