based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
