his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
