Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize