My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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