I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
