yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said her name was "party"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize