Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
