I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
