: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the day after is always just damage control
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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