well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
