i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
