According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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