There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
