i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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