and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
