I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
