Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
