why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
