i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
