Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
