You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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