Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
