Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
