Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
