Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
