dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
