i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Randomize
