you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Randomize