he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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