hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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