if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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