take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
