Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
being pregnant is like rehab
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
not ubering you a puppy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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