I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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