Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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