You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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