Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize