I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
