CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
