I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
