Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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