the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
