What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
