found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
