So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
