He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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