I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
