I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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