wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
