So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
