hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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