my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize