He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize