i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
