It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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