Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
