For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
