So drunk its hurt
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize