So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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