U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
