Bisexual people are plain selfish.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My feet surprised me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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